Chutes 'n ladders

Back in the day, we had this metal swing/slide/monkey-bar set in the back yard. My brother hit upon the idea of greasing the slide with Crisco, and then -- sitting upon a sheet of waxed paper -- having someone (me) push him with all their might, in order to get the fastest ride down. Man, you could fly.

That's the image that sprang to mind when I caught a show called "Kids by the Dozen," on TLC (their site sucks, so I can't find anything but the schedule, no show information). TiVo hadn't grabbed anything good that day, so I hit "live TV" (which I never do), and there it was. This ep was on the Jeub family, of Colorado -- mom, dad, and thirteen kids. Only one set of twins (the current babies). That lady has given birth twelve times so far!

Leaving aside the issue of the fundie Christianity that leads these families to embiggen themselves till mom's equipment gives out, and that whole scary-ass "Quiver Full" movement, which chills me to the bone -- I have to wonder why anyone would ever do this. This is not a family -- it's a litter. As parents, you don't fuckin know all those kids -- there aren't enough hours in the day, even if you homeschool and home-church (which they all do). It's a person-factory, no more and no less. I can't imagine my scattered attention span dealing well with, say, three kids, much less double digits. The oldest kids will never really know their younger siblings, either -- same principle, that you don't have enough mental space for all that. Plus, what about college, travel, meeting people outside the family circle? As insular as these families are, that kind of thing will never happen, and they'll never meet anyone who isn't exactly like them. Hellooooo, inbreeding.

Which is to say: This is some fucked-up shit, y'all.