Wednesday, March 19, 2014

E.B. White is a goddamn genius sorcerer magician, because he got me to love and read and reread and cry over a book about a fucking SPIDER and a fucking PIG.

Do you guys know this? This, which is: Pigs are fucking horrible. Just gigantic, awful, smelly and disgusting animals. 

I chaperoned Kid Gleemonex's class field trip to a farm yesterday, and y'all -- godDAMMIT, the pigs. PIGS! Christ, I haven't been able to get over it. There were all these adorable goats, sheep, some cows, some horses, a few dozen happy and beautiful chickens, lots of edible plants, a great blue heron, who knows what-all, and but in the middle of all that, we had to get right up close to pigs. They were the size of fucking Volkswagens, weighed hundreds of pounds, had longish bristly hair, and GODDAMMIT THEY WERE PIGS. 

The stink was ferocious, everything about them was repugnant on a major scale, they could've overpowered and eaten us all, they have PIG EYES and HOOVES and ASSHOLES oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhdd. 

The pig is officially the only animal I have zero conflicted feelings about eating. Even a scallop, I feel kind of sorry for, but a pig? Motherfucker is MEAT, because it's too ugly and awful to be alive for any other reason. Yecccccchhhh make bacon out of them all, and so it shall be done. 

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Blogger francine said...

you know what petting a pig feels like? it feels like human skin covered in the last few, sad, long strands of a balding man's comb-over. it is the worst thing possible. i know pigs are supposed to be highly intelligent, but they appear hygienically disgusting and lazy to me, not unlike many real human people i also dislike for similar reasons, so them being smart is not enough for me to stop eating loads of delicious bacon.

5:19 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee no no no no cannot unread!

100% with you and the hating and the bacon.

10:47 AM  

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