Wednesday, January 15, 2014

"It was just as if everyone had swelled."


Your Aging Body at Forty: An Occupant's Manual

--If you are going to drink alcohol, then you need to drink a lot of water. Yes, it's going to make you have to go to the can like five hundred times, but trust me, it's the only way to get ahead of hangovers now. Pound a glass of water for every two beers. It won't fix how tired you'll be tomorrow, but come sunrise, it'll keep your brain relatively well-tethered to its moorings inside your skull instead of banging around in there like monkeys in an Ebola ward whose keeper has already crashed and bled out.

--Plan to get those wee patches of eensy little red spidery old-lady veins lasered in the fall or winter. It's painless and relatively inexpensive, but the bruising is comically vivid and surprisingly long-lasting, and shorts are really out of the question for a fairly long time.

--Spend money on the right undergarments. Athletic bras & underwears, everyday pantalones, bras that fit right and make your chestal region comfortable and happy-looking. Don't settle for ill-fitting crap anymore; bodily youth and elasticity can no longer make up the difference, and besides, you're old enough to do this for yourself now.

--Rejoice at how much easier it is to accept your own body than it was when you were younger. We all have our issues -- some new, some lifelong -- but it is now time to revel in the feeling that most of the issues you have, you can be all " ... [sigh] ... oh well," (or "Shit yeah, lasers for my birthday present to meeee!") instead of "OHMAHGAAAAH I HATETHISSOMUCH FFFFFFFFFFFFFF GODDAMMIT!!!" It's nice, isn't it?

Labels: , , , , , ,


Post a Comment

<< Home