Wednesday, November 13, 2013

She's a talented girl / she's tight

Some jokester -- or maybe some combination of my online ordering habits* -- signed me up for More magazine, and once I got over the sting of it, I realized it's actually a pretty OK mag to read on the treadmill at the gym (I mean, there's only so much that's readable in the sweaty magazine racks by the hand sanitizer; I can't do Glamour/Cosmo/DimSlutsMonthly anymore, Self and Fitness are all about spa trips and sad lo-cal recipes, Sports Illustrated gots too much football right now ... I'm down to Real Simple and the occasional rando Entertainment Weekly if it's not too destroyed, besides which More puts Julia Louis-Dreyfus on the cover and she's my spirit animal). I'm an old lady, fuck off.

Anyway -- but in an article on How To Get A Job These Days, The Way The Kids Are Doing It, someone on that magazine put in there a word which almost made me haemorrhage** out the earholes: Twesume.

Pronounced TWEH-zoo-may.

Like resume, but with Twitter getting his junk up way too close to the tight rear end of resume's $135 Lululemon yoga pants.

[checks the pantry] Nope, I'm all out of can. Nothin left but a pallet of can't. And those're expired.

*Including but not limited to: Lands End (kids' clothes), Ready for Hillary, Wendy Davis for Governor, Barnes & Noble, Boden, Banana Republic, Sur la Table,, Planned Parenthood, Rolling Jubilee, the school uniform store, Ultimate Pilates Workouts ... 

**so badly that I had to spell it the British way

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Anonymous Maggie said...

Sweet Jesus that word just made me feel a world of hostility in 2 seconds. Fuck you Twesume.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Isn't it amazing, the rage?

12:12 PM  
Blogger francine said...

If this is the future, I don't think I can be in it.

8:17 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Yeah, I'm like " ... so basically, I'll never be able to get another job again, even if I want to? OK."

1:22 PM  

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