M is for Mrs. Scott Strauss, which is also my name.

Movie Boyfriends of the Golden Age of Teen Cinema, As Assessed By Teenage Me and Grown-Ass Woman Me: The Third In a Series.

7) RANDALL "PINK" FLOYD, Dazed and Confused

---Teenage (well, 20-year-old) Me: Hey now! Great hair, hips look real nice in them jeans, social chameleon, athletic but not beefy, stoner but not dangerous, nice to kids, music fan, stubborn streak a mile wide -- this right here is the guy for me.

---Grown-Ass Woman Me: Indeed. I mean, he'd grow out of adoring his own teen rebelliousness bullshit, right? Surely. He did have the kind of clarity about peaking in high school that your popular types usually don't, so I'd double down on young Mr. Floyd here.

8) BRYAN, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

---Teenage Me: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH DEAD POETS SOCIETY! So cute, so sweet. I will go on a date with him and then I will put my mouth on his mouth!

---Grown-Ass Woman Me: Srsly. Dead Poets Society. Future marine biologist. Goofy, fun date ideas. We don't have to live in the same house as his megabitch sister, so: this'll work.

9) FERRIS BUELLER, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

---Teenage Me: "He's going to marry me." [swoons, dies]

---Grown-Ass Woman Me: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want? Yes, still. God, what a great high-school boyfriend Ferris would've made. Not sure about the long game, but were I Sloane in that moment, you goddamn right I would've married him that day. It would've made a great story, even after we went to separate colleges and got divorced. Totally worth it.

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Still to come: Knox Overstreet, Jake Ryan, J.D., and more ...