This a Barksdale joint, yo.

Movie Boyfriends of the Golden Age of Teen Cinema, As Assessed By Teenage Me and Grown-Ass Woman Me: The Second In a Series.

4) DANNY POPE, Running on Empty*

---Teenage Me: River Phoenix. Tears. Longing. The courage of his convictions! He's a musician. Christ would you lookit those eyes. That hair! And he loves Martha Plimpton! WANT. MUST HAVE.

---Grown-Ass Woman Me: River Phoenix. Tears. Longing. The courage of his convictions! He's a musician. Christ would you lookit those eyes. That hair! And he loves Martha Plimpton! WANT. MUST HAVE.

5) BRAND, The Goonies

---Teenage Me: You mean the guy who’s all het up about Kerry Green? She’s way too much prettier than me, I can’t have him, plus he’s old, so forget about it.

---Grown-Ass Woman Me: Well well well, what have we here? Classic older bro – busy with his own life, dismissive of the kid brother and his dork friends, but good-looking and in the end, heroic and a really stand-up guy; deals well with failure (just gets back in the saddle); gets to kiss the pretty girl finally. And turns into Josh Brolin later. Hmm. Yes, yes indeed.

6) JOHN BENDER, The Breakfast Club

---Teenage Me: Bad-ASS!!!! Kind of scary, but really funny. Tempting, verrry tempting. Still – too far outside the boundaries in general. No way he goes to church. We can sign each other’s yearbooks, though, and I’ll parlay that one kiss into a much bigger mythology about myself that I can tell people for the next few years.

---Grown-Ass Woman Me: Son, you got a lot of Issues you need to deal with. Seriously.

Still to come: Randall "Pink" Floyd, Marty McFly, Edward Scissorhands, Ferris Bueller, Jake Ryan, and many more ...

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*It could be argued that Running on Empty is not a "teen movie" in the classic sense, in that there aren't a lot of hijinx and it's actually a pretty serious movie that got a lot of critical attention -- but it has River Phoenix so shut up.