Nobody puts Baby in a corner

Some days go by without Gleemonex witnessing a travesty, some days are chock-full. Today (so far) I've witnessed two:

1) This bitch-ass "tomato soup" they served me at the cafe at work. They were running their grilled-cheese-sandwich-and-tomato-soup special, always a hit, using the classic Campbell's variety tomato soup. And tomato soup, Internets, is not really something that bears much fucking around with. Well, they fucked around with it. It was ... chunky. With ... stuff in it, I dunno what. Green bits (basil?), red bits (tomato skin?), crunchy spices (pepper and something unidentifiable, big gnarly nuggets of it). It was oily. It was like a craptacular marinara from some tourist-trap Italian place run by Armenians or something. It was WRONG. And it ruined my fucking lunch.

2) A song, somewhere in the rap/hip-hop/urban category, that is a remake of "She's Like the Wind." Did you catch that, what I just said? "She's Like the Wind." They're seriously scraping the splintery bottom of the musical barrel if someone thought to remake this flaming aural pile, eh wot? All you women out there, ages probably 29-40 now, just got that lizard-brain memory of this shit-tacular bit of overemotive warbling by one Patrick Swayze from the immortal classic Dirty Dancing stuck in your head, didn't you? Well, sorry, but while I was at the gym, it came over the sound system, and oh good lord ... it had been given the hip-hop remake treatment (unnecessary noises and tempo changes, some random "yeah ... uh ... come on"'s and what have you), and had a crucial lyric revision: "What a fool to believe I have anything she needs" became "What a fool to believe she has anything I need." You go, boy! Um, I guess ...