Kansas ending!
Cruising down the highway listening to Mr. Gleemonex’s iPod on the car stereo the other day, some song came on that was like six minutes long – I don’t even remember the song or the artist, but I immediately skipped to the next one. I was like, I ain’t got time for your six-minute baloney. Don’t be stealin extra minutes of my life with guitar noodling and masturbatory solos, you stupid git – brevity. Learn it, love it, live it.
Mr. Gleemonex, whose musical tastes range much further and wider than mine, sent up a protest, but I say to you what I said to him:
The five-plus-minute song is BULLSHIT. It’s an annoyance and an indulgence which not many artists deserve – what do you got to say in five minutes that you can’t say in three and a half?
Mr. Gleemonex was like, “OK, Miss Ramones/Pixies,” and you know – I own that, I do.
But it’s not an absolute rule – there are some cases in which I’ll allow a longer song. Some of those instances include:
--Bob Dylan. Man has a story to tell, let him fuckin tell it. Even if it does go nine minutes and rhyme “stir” with “MUR”[-der]. He doesn’t waste my time; if he’s rambling on, there’s a reason for it.
--“Don’t Fear the Reaper.” You all know why: Cowbell.
--“Carry On My Wayward Son,” “Dust in the Wind.” You just can’t get the Full Amazing Ridiculous with shorter versions. If you're gonna go apeshit with the Philosophy 101 and the key and tempo changes and the crazy endings, then just balls-to-the-wall DO IT.
--Radiohead. Wherever those guys are taking me, I’m going.
--Tenacious D. This is where the rock epic goes to die and be reborn in FLAMES!!!
Anything I’ve forgotten?
Mr. Gleemonex, whose musical tastes range much further and wider than mine, sent up a protest, but I say to you what I said to him:
The five-plus-minute song is BULLSHIT. It’s an annoyance and an indulgence which not many artists deserve – what do you got to say in five minutes that you can’t say in three and a half?
Mr. Gleemonex was like, “OK, Miss Ramones/Pixies,” and you know – I own that, I do.
But it’s not an absolute rule – there are some cases in which I’ll allow a longer song. Some of those instances include:
--Bob Dylan. Man has a story to tell, let him fuckin tell it. Even if it does go nine minutes and rhyme “stir” with “MUR”[-der]. He doesn’t waste my time; if he’s rambling on, there’s a reason for it.
--“Don’t Fear the Reaper.” You all know why: Cowbell.
--“Carry On My Wayward Son,” “Dust in the Wind.” You just can’t get the Full Amazing Ridiculous with shorter versions. If you're gonna go apeshit with the Philosophy 101 and the key and tempo changes and the crazy endings, then just balls-to-the-wall DO IT.
--Radiohead. Wherever those guys are taking me, I’m going.
--Tenacious D. This is where the rock epic goes to die and be reborn in FLAMES!!!
Anything I’ve forgotten?
Labels: indefensible positions, rando, things that are bad for the world
posted by Gleemonex at 1:24 PM
3 Comments:
I'm glad there's no Meat Loaf on your list because that would be some serious bullCRAP, but you KNOW there's a 12-minute long dance/house/deep/soul/etc. remix of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" or "Genie in a Bottle" out there that I LOVE!
Loving in a big way that you included Kansas. I sang with them in the early 90's, like, on stage and everything. Because the then-violinist, Dave Ragsdale? Thought I was kool. Imagine.
Okay, so, what about Prince? I like Prince. Even long Prince. Or, dare I say it? Madonna...
Panda!!! -- Meat Loaf is one of those people I Do Not Have The Fucking Time For. Even at 3 minutes, hell to the NO. But mashups -- GOOD mashups -- are always game.
PSP: No WAY!!! Really? I'd have, like, cards made up that said "Ask me about the time I sang with Kansas!" and I'd hand 'em around at parties. That is hysterical! Prince -- definitely one of the exceptions. That little freak can do whatever he wants, cause whatever it is, it's gonna be fonky.
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